Looking inside

I have discovered the Divine Feminine is outside and up. To become part of it, I usually close my eyes and reach up. My focus is above my head. It always works but is external to me? I am part of it but separate too….

I am used to contacting Mother Earth but haven’t done so for a while, I haven’t felt a need, She is always with me. In the light of this new energy I thought I would see how she is. That was interesting because when I reached to communicate with her all I got was the Divine Feminine. She is becoming that. Like us she is changing.

I was thinking about this and thought yes, although I can become part of it and the energy rushes in, it isn’t me. I thought I would go inside myself and see who I Am.

The obvious place to look was in my heart. With a very clear focus I did that and discovered a series of Buddhas one inside the other, like Russian dolls. It was a masculine wholeness that is totally me and a very pleasant experience but not easy to put into words. I am much younger or perhaps vibrant might be a better word. The me that is in this body is very strong, invincible and whole.

Now in amongst all this I have not just been floating along in bliss. Life is intense. The doctors try to tell my I am seriously ill. They have been saying that for years but now want to give me a pacemaker. Not really me…. I may have a heart rate of around 148 bpm but I have had for many years, thirty at least. I’m a bit different but they don’t like it and their drugs don’t fix it, they make things worse. I am a challenge to them and they don’t know what to do. I go with it and see….. and I’m still here.

I live on my own fairly remotely and the rats decided to eat my car and it doesn’t work at the moment. The rat that did got into the wires and exploded all over the engine. It’s not easy to get someone to look at it. I live on a farm and there is someone who fixes stuff for them and he will have a look – sometime. My kettle exploded too during a powerful conversation with a friend. We were working and I had all my computers on and we were discussing dragons, as you do. There was a loud bang in the kitchen and my computers all turned off. It can get interesting.

My iPhone, my only link to the world, overheats and only works at the moment when put into the freezer to reset it occasionally. It took me a while to find it, I thought I’d lost it again but remembered where I had put it eventually. It’s a puzzle sometimes but things usually work out.

A friend who I trust does very good diagnostics and he recommended me seeing someone. He tested and said it would help me. I wasn’t that keen but I thought perhaps I could but actually I can’t because this person had a road accident and is now dead. I guess I wont be seeing him after all.

We each have serious challenges. How you react to them will depend on who you are. I wake up every morning and I’m still alive therefore there is still more to do. It’s not all easy but life is amusing if you see it that way.

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