Do you remember any of your previous lives? If you don’t that is probably a blessing but it doesn’t mean that you haven’t had any.
Every one of us is a light Being having a human body experience. We came here to learn. The lessons we choose are not always easy. If you have the choice why would you choose an easy course? The hard ones are much more fun…
The people in your life now are there probably because you have unfinished business together. This may happen life after life until the issues or work you need to do together are resolved. Fortunately we are coming to the end of a cycle and these burdens can be dropped. However it is still useful to look at because it is part of who we are.
There are three types of relationship that a male can have with a female.
The most evolved of these is the higher self relationship that of twin flame. This relationship is one of pure spirit a relationship of God/Goddess that is a union complete within itself.
The next highest is that of the soul mate. This is when two souls but not necessarily twin flames choose to come into this world to work together to achieve a higher good. They also become a living example to others.
The last relationship is that of karmic mates. This is a relationship based on past action together. An emotional journey that is unresolved and that has to be worked out. This story is one of these.
A marriage has to be worked at and only survives if both partners put in the required energy. Circumstances can make this difficult. If there are children it can become a bit of an endurance race. This should not be the case but it is not exceptional and happens to a large number of parents.
My ex-wife and I had chosen to live in a spiritual community in the north west of England. Perhaps I should qualify this I had decided and she made no strong objections. At that time she had not reached the point of having any real personal opinions. This is not derogatory on my part it is simply stating how it was. We were both quite young. The problems started when she started to think about who she was.
The ideology of the community was to be a living example of an ideal village. It appeared to be just the place to bring up our young son then about four years old. The reality meant that we were living in cheap accommodation in a rundown overspill town, built originally to house the poor from the slums of Liverpool. Although people had tried the town had failed to attract the money it needed and was slowly running down. Not a place conducive to higher states of consciousness but in actuality a perfect balance to the spiritual path that we had chosen.
This path made a demanding commitment – a program done twice a day of nearly two hours each time. I needed to be at work by eight in the morning and it was a good forty minute journey mainly because of heavy traffic. To meditate and do the other things I was supposed to do required me to rise at least an two and a half hours before I was due to leave, more if I wanted breakfast. I was working as a surveyor, work that was both physically and mentally demanding. Great in summer but not so good in the winter. I would sometimes arrive home so cold that it could take a couple of hours just to get warm again.
If I joined in the evening group practice of meditation I didn’t arrive home until seven in the evening. It was a long and demanding day. When I did get home I was normally put in charge of putting my son to bed and more often than not I had to cook my own meal while my wife did her meditation. She would usually fall asleep and sometime was so tired she would stay in bed until the next day. She had an active small boy to take to and from school by bicycle as well as a part time job. She worked in a health food store which was only a couple of miles away but in the opposite direction.
We both just about got by. We took holidays when we could but money was very short. We had lost most of what little we did have just getting there and were badly in debt. I worked additional hours to try to catch up. This is the background of who we were. Both trying but also tired and bored of the drudgery and who we had become. It had to change.
My wife was the one to take the difficult decision to do this. She is an honest person but had bottled up her resentment of what we were to the point were it just had to break out. I had been trying to ignore the situation by escaping from it anyway that I could. Into my music, into books things that took me on an inner journey and away from my family. I did the things that had to be done but it left me joyless. She was the one to point this out.
The shock when she finally took the courage to tell me she no longer loved me had a devastating effect on both our lives. I can only tell the story from my point of view. The shock literally broke my heart. It sounds dramatic but I am being as honest as I can. The shock also opened a doorway to the past. I remembered who we had both once been.
Sitting meditating together, a few days after she had told me, the first memory came back without any warning. It came all at once and I told it to her as I relived it. You will see that to some extent we relived it together. In hindsight it also explained why we were together and eventually what we needed to do to resolve our pasts.
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It was the time of great growing (spring) and I was returning to the village nearly a man at last. All I needed was a new name, an adult name one that I could choose for myself or be rewarded with by an elder for some action or characteristic of mine. The teachers said that I would know. My child’s name translates roughly as ‘Softness like Beavers fur’ and had been given to me by the women on the day that I was born. This name was no longer appropriate to who I had become.
I had been away from the village for the winter season with the other young men learning the secrets of the hunt. We adolescents had been doing this for several years. This time my group were learning the final step, how to kill. This had to be done with respect for our animal brother/sister and done in a way so as to cause them no pain and also to send them on the journey to their next life. We did not want to leave them stuck and angry caught on the earth plain.
The secret was in a sound shouted/sung at the moment of death that literally moved them out of the body effortlessly. The hunting spear that I used did the rest. This spear had a wide flat blade with a sharp cutting edge not a point and must have been made of flint or some other sharpened stone. The idea was to sever an artery or hit the brain not to turn the body into a pincushion. It required great skill and guile. You had to get close to use it effectively. I had past all the tests and was the first in the group to do so. There would be prestige gained from this and I was very happy. I would return to a celebration. At this time traditionally I could ask for something as a reward.
There was a girl in the village who I wanted to share my life. Now that I was considered a man I would be able to ask for her. She was one of our chiefs daughters. A younger daughter but important none the less. This did not worry me. It never occurred to me that this might not be possible. We had grown up together. She was pretty and so full of life and energy. We enjoyed each other’s company but I had never said anything to her. Her name translates as ‘Lightness in the Forest’, meaning the shafts of light that find their way through the dense canopy of trees to illuminate a glade.
Women did not change their names and she would keep this always but it did suite her very well. She shone when she smiled and was by nature a happy and friendly person. She was also strong in character and no ones fool. I was completely smitten by her.
I was making my way down the last hill that overlooked the valley where the main summer camp was set up. It nestled in the trees by a clear river that fed the great waters of one of the Great Lakes in what is now Canada. In my eagerness to get home I bounced straight down the slope not bothering with the path that wound its way less steeply at an angle to the slope. Through the trees but some distance away I suddenly caught a glimpse of movement. A stranger that I had never seen before was dragging someone along the path. Whoever this was, they were resisting but with little effect. They were also making lot of noise. The man was tall and strong and looked mildly amused. I made my way closer more cautiously slipping into hunter mode without thinking about it. I also headed obliquely across the slope to put myself just above them further along the path.
To my horror as the came into view I saw that the person being dragged along was my own Lightness in the Forest. I stood in shock at first but then reacted in anger hardly thinking about what I was doing. I ran down the slope towards them and threw my spear at the man. Because I had just been taught the killing moves I used them and also made the killing sound. The man a chieftain and a warier reacted instantly and blocked the spear with a wave of his arm. This deflected the flight away from his head but unfortunately it redirected it straight at Lightness in the Forest. It struck her in the forehead and killed her instantly.
When I told my wife this she experienced a sudden sharp pain in her head and collapsed against the wall reliving the experience.
On seeing what I had done I collapsed on the ground beside her heart broken. This pain was the one I now felt in this lifetime and was thread that linked us to that past.
The man a great chief was wise and looked at me with pity. He understood what had happened without any explanation. He knew that if he sent me back to my tribe they would kill me because of my action. My action would also reflect on him because he was responsible for her welfare. He gently helped me to my feet and took me with him. I don’t know what happened to the body. I presume his followers took care of it. He would not have been travelling alone. I was in a daze completely mad with grief and despair at what I had done. The chief, called Great Bear cared for me for a long, long time. I was inconsolable, dis-orientated and lost.
Eventually I came back to myself and Great Bear explained what had happened. He told me that he had just taken on the role of warier chief and had been visiting all the minor tribes to remind them that support was expected, should he need to raise a war band. This was seldom done, certainly not in the memory of many lifetimes. We had been living at peace for a long time. When he had visited our tribe he had brought gifts and gifts were given in return. One of these had been Lightness in the Forest.
This was a great honour to both parties. It was a way of creating a permanent link between the tribes. One of great trust and it was seldom done. Great Bear would not necessarily have taken her as his women but would more likely have given her to one of his sons or to another warrior of great standing. He would have remained responsible for her welfare and would have acted as if he were her father. Such a gift had pleased him greatly.
For her this was also a responsibility and a huge step up in her standing. Even if she did not remain with him she became the most important woman in the tribe. Someone to be envied by the other girls. A bit like marrying a rock star or a famous actor would be today. Being young she had been very flattered but also being who she was she did not like being given away. She wanted a bit more notice to be taken of who she was and had been playing up and resisting the role that had been thrust upon her. She wanted to make Great Bear woo her just a little. He understood and had been playing along but he also knew that he had to show her that he was the boss. He was a good leader, very patient and good with people.
Going back to the main story I found myself in a strange camp with people that I did not know and being looked after as if I was an invalid. I was treated with respect but nobody wanted to get too close. I had been mad with grief and was now an outcast. I tried but could not stay in the camp. One day I just left and wandered out into the forest on my own.
This started the healing process but first I had to endure the pain of remembering what I had done. From that day and for the rest of that life every time I saw a shaft of light coming through the trees Lightness in the Forest was standing in it. The first time this happened I ran towards her only to have her disappear and reappear in another shaft of light a little further away. This happened over and over and nearly drove me mad again but eventually I became used to it. She became my constant companion but the pain never went away. I had killed her like an animal and she could not move on until I did.
I found I could not kill any more and lived on nuts, fruits and berries, leaves roots all the growing things around me. The winters were mild in those days but it was hard at first. I lived with and was more like an animal. I had to learn what was good to eat and what would leave me retching on the ground. The animals also grew used to me and as time went by would even seek me out to help them if they became hurt. I had become a recluse and could disappear silently if people came too near to me.
I became a legend within the tribes. That crazy man in the woods who talks to the animals. Occasionally someone would come and seek me out asking for some of my knowledge. If I liked the look of them I would teach them. If I didn’t like the feel of them they never even saw me. I knew the forest and it knew me. I felt a peace seldom found.
At the end of that lifetime I knew the day when I would die and walked high up onto a bluff overlooking a mighty river. In a group of pine trees not far away in a shaft of sunlight my constant companion was also with me. I left my body on the bluff and walked towards her. She did not move away.
The next lifetime repeated the earlier events of the previous one. We grew up together in a village on an island somewhere in the Mediterranean, probably near Greece somewhere. The names have all changed since that time. She was daughter of the high priestess and lived in the temple but we played together as children. I was sent away to school on the mainland and while there I found a new religion and became a monk.
When I eventually came back to the island along with another monk she was now the high priestess. She was also pretty mad. Our teaching threatened her position. She felt betrayed by me. If you knew her you would also know that she had quite a temper and acts rashly sometimes. She had us arrested tied up and thrown into the bottom of a small boat. We were to be taken and dumped out at sea. Not contented with this she jumped into the boat and stabbed me to death. You could say she got her own back.
Now these actions had thrown us together in this lifetime and perhaps for many others too. The chief Great Bear in this lifetime was a friend and close neighbor. One day my wife and son were asked to do be part of a fake family that was needed for an advertisement for a mutual friends company. My ex-wife was quite pretty and young and also very photogenic. They did not want me as the husband. They wanted someone more conventional and clean cut and chose our next door neighbour.
That started a complicated reaction within my wife who felt greatly attracted to him. He had been the big chief or rock star who she had been given too. Something that was there in their pasts. She no longer felt anything for me and he filled the gap. Unfortunately for her he wasn’t at all interested.
It took us quite a time to sort things out. We had to learn to forgive each other and become independent and move on. To do this I had to let go of all those things that I used to prop myself up. I had to learn to stand on our own two feet. It took many years of intense hard work. We have been apart for a long time now but are still friendly when we meet or speak on the phone. There is not any problem between us any more.
Some people need to be knocked down hard just to get their attention. For me it was a painful and often difficult road but one full of magical transformation. At the very lowest point when I was just a gibbering wreck in constant mental and physical pain, I had a road accident.
I had no money and had sold my car because I could not afford it any more. I had replaced it with a motorcycle. One cold and rainy night on my way home from work I swerved to avoid a car that turned right across the road in front of me and fell off. It was raining hard and I was left lying in the middle of a busy intersection trying to lift up my bike. I did not realize in the shock that I had broken my arm. Fortunately someone who also drove a motorcycle came to help. He loaded me into the back of his works van, motorcycle and all and took me home. He even acted as a witness and gave me the driver’s number. They had not stopped.
I managed to get a lift to the emergency room about twelve miles away only to be told to come back the next day because the x-ray department was closed. The person who dropped me off had not stayed because she had children to look after. As you can imagine I was a little upset. My ex-wife did not handle sickness or injury well. I had frightened her and when I finally got home instead of sympathy I got told off.
That night I left our bedroom because I kept moaning and did not want to wake her up. By about four in the morning I was about as low as you can get. I had been sitting in the spare bedroom trying to meditate for hours but I was also asking for help.
I suddenly became aware of movement in my peripheral vision and looking up saw a group of little lights pop up out of a trailing plant on the windowsill. Each one was about as big as your thumb and glowed golden yellow. These fairies were surrounded by a spherical halo a few inches across that was lighter in color and faded out at the edges.
I don’t know how but I knew that they had appeared reluctantly at some one else’s instigation. They acted as a focus for healing energy that streamed into me. I went into an altered state of consciousness had 360 degree perception and felt amazing. I have no idea how long this lasted. This was the start of my present journey. It has been sometimes very hard but totally magical ever since.